Thank Goodness

Deep sigh....That was a close call.  Papers are in...test is done...Pnuemonia I have...sick I am...Goodnight all...

This last week I took on the dining room....I won...lol.  My wonderful Aunt Patty passed after a short fight with cancer on Tuesday at 1:27pm.  Her funeral is not going to be untill the Saturday after Thanksgiving?  My cell was stolen>>>urghh. I don't know anyones number nor do I know how to use the blackberry my friends let me use.  I had a palm..so a blackberry is foriegn to me.  My family is crazy so I guess we will see how the funeral goes.  It's the calm before the storm.

What was I thinking

As if it is not pure choas in my life I decided to paint the dining room...the trim...the doors...strip the floors...sand them and yes restain them??????  I miss working...lol..Oh yeah and I painted the dining room 2 different colors..accecnts and all.  I wish life was always that easy..  You want something different you just slap a coat of paint on it and it covers and changes everything.  I would totally paint the world around me a different color from time to time. 

The taxi sign is off...

Well what a week.. I loved my job but Friday was my last day....It was truely bitter sweet.  I have decided to take on another five credit hours a term & that will put me about 5 months away from being done and graduating...I hope.  This weekend my 12 yr. old princess had a birthday party on Friday till 10 p.m.  These girls love their horses thats for sure.  Thats what they spent the party doing riding a making smores...lol.
Saturday her and my 6 yr. old prince had a halloween party until midnight.  It was wild they were swinging from the ropes into the hay piles...quite the mess to clean up I'm sure...glad it was somebody elses mess....hahaha...
Today we had church and on our way home we stopped to see some family.  Just got home about an hur ago and I have a midterm in A&P and just finished my discussion answer for comp...
I am going to start babysitting for my friends 2 kids 2 hours before school and 1 hour after.  They are going to pay me $150 a week so thats my extra money.  I am fortunate enough that I don't owe on anything beside utilities so I figured if I am able to finish school sooner I rather go this route, plus it gives me the much needed home time with the kids.  

Stress on top of stress

Lets take a journey in the last couple months of my life.
My head feels like it is going to explode from the amount of stress..uurrghh
My husband is a disabled vet. that suffers from PTSD and a ton of other things..reason for my paper being about this subject in our comp. class.  Some days its like eggshells around here are covering the floor in hopes that his relapse with alcohol doesn't happen today.  Don't get me wrong I truely love my husband for better or worse but the last few years the thought of worse seems to never go away.  So the last week I have been in a haze and he has been at his mom & dads...for space reasons me not him.  He relapsed on August 29th this year, before that it had been two years.  He only drank that one day and in that one day I ended up in the country soaked in gasoline walking 3 miles to get home.  My kids knew nothing about it because they were with granny for the night.  Of course the one night a year I am free he relapses...urrrgghh.  Then today he comes to stay the night and says "You know I feel like you are not there to emotionally support me...I really need you to be behind the decesions I make in life..I love you"  Are you kidding me I am the most selfless person.. I have given you my whole life... My son just got diagnosed with ADHD... and I really feel like I am on the verge of having an emotional break down myself...but I have no time to sit and worry about me or to think about my choices... because you are constantly thinking that the world is out to get you because you are you...Where does th VA come into support the family members of the military besides to give the vets more medication which in the long run makes them more paranoid...Hence my paper..Really I believe PTSD is a real disorder, but there has to be something else.  My husband is a great, loving father and husband but he gets like this. 
On to a cheerier note....my daughter has made it on the corn city halloween float and my son will march in the parade..I am so excited...When Christmas gets here I think a much needed rest and relaxtion back home to Amish Country is calling my name....

Just realized

In my personal opinion if someone is that unhappy living where they live than they should just pack up their stuff and move.  I own my house and land bought and paid off thank you very much.  Why do we live in a world where people always want to have one up on you?  I don't care what my neighbors drive or how much money they make...I do myself and my kids.  But if by chance I am a  little more comfortable than you...don't juudge me I have worked my butt off to get where I am.  I run on about 4 hrs. of sleep and I deal with true madness and choas at work I don't want to come home and listen to my 12 year old daughters drama about how a 32 yr. old woman and her kids followed my kids home...don't stalk me or my family and please don't spread rumors about me....This has and will always be my families home town.  Just because I live in this little corn city don't mistake my kindness for ignorance...I grew up on the streets I'm not above anything.  I'm just trying to do the best I can with the life I choose. hhhmmmmm
Onto a brighter note.  It was a gorgeous day out.  The kids got the dirtbikes out for one of the last few weekends and I took the 4-wheeler out. I love riding down the tracks to the resiouvor during these days, as the leaves are changing.  We stopped and my husband taught Zander how to skip rocks across the water.  I took the camara and I am positive I got some really good pictures.  Hope got a new higher powerd BB gun...lol it has a scope.  So to end the night they went out back firing off at the string of pie tins on the clothes line.  I made steak, spanish rice and broccli for all my sweeties tonight.

Where to go from here....back to 1989

1989
Alarm clock buzzes...I have Saturday school...uurrghhh. 6th grade is already a pleasure...my secoond year that is.
How can a 12 yr. old miss 86 days of school and her parent not notice?  Oh look football practice is going on when I get there...bet Jason is out there.  That was my first boyfriend..actually lasted for over a year with all the bouncing from Ohio to Indiana.. anyways class is dismissed.  Oh goodness I can finally smoke..yeah unfortunate that I smoked at 12..actually 11 but nobody cared so I did.  Walk outside and suprise my mom is there with her trunk open?  Whats going on...Oh my dad is back in the states..great what a way to continuing the morning...Why did you waste your money on getting me back only to send me away again?  Your move to Indiana with me.....No I'm not...catch me if you can....Like a whisle in the wind I was gone.

This was not the first time I would have high hopes from my mom only for her to find some jerk that didn't like kids and send me back to dad.

As I tell my life story and journeys I don't want pity..I was wild when I was growing up.  It keeps my feet grounded now and makes me the person and mother I am today.  I'm wonderful...no exageration either..My kids have rules and they follow them. They play sports, do well in school, and listen.  It's a strict house but their frinds call me mom and I would never change my past...but I chose to break the cycle of my family.

A little stroll in the beginning...

  Hmmmm... I guess I will start with a little more information.  My family is nuts...probably certifiable if anyone pushed the issue seriously.  My wonderful mother and father were divorced before I could walk.  My dad then joined the service and blessed me with the best step-mom and two sisters and one brother.  Unfortunatlly I just started talking to them after 8 years when my dad died in June 2009.  My family fought over me my entire life and I have no idea why.  You would have thought that I could have turned water into gold thats how bad they fought and I certainly wasn't a pleasure to be around either. After my 3rd grade year I got to go see my dad in Leiston Suffolk,England for the summer which turned into  two years because he would not return me.  Yeah..my mom had to fight like crazy to have me returned and I finally was in middle of my 6th grade year.  I believe I came back then a totally different person..

Uggghhhh....Life

If you ever want to know what a crazy life can be like just ask because I am living proof.  I don't mean crazy as in whoo hoo party time or hectic schedules...what I mean is the amount of stress that one person can take everyday and still smile. 
My names Christine and I am 32 years old.  My life is far from normal and I guess it was ment to be this way although it has always been this way.  I can only imagine what a normal life would be like..must be like heaven.  I figure I am going to write about what I have learned over 32 years and its alot, but I will start at the beginning so in the end when you are thinking about what you are going to say, you will understand that being positive is my only fighting chance.